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Discernment. Forgiveness. Self-Regulation.

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Discernment. Forgiveness. Self-Regulation

Collin Gabriel April 24, 2021


Jillene Joseph (00:08):

All righty, here we go. It is our power hour. Today are we’re in week number 53. Today is our like 302nd native wellness power hour. My name is Jillene Joseph and I am on me from Fort Belmont, Montana. I’m also the executive director of the native wellness Institute, and I’m happy to be here today for our power hour. So when I was thinking about, Hmm, what should my next power hour be on? I gave it a lot of thought. And so today I’m going to be talking about three things, um, discernment, forgiveness, and self-regulation. So thanks for tuning in today. Please share it so that other people can tune in as well. Um, and join us. That will be awesome. So the Native Wellness Institute, we are a national nonprofit organization. The IRS calls us a nonprofit. We like to say that we’re a social profit because the work that we’re doing is benefiting our people.

Jillene Joseph (01:19):

And we are celebrating our 21st anniversary this year. Like we just, we just passed it like last week or so. And, um, we’re super, super proud of that. So we exist because of the lasting impacts of historical and intergenerational trauma. And we exist to provide opportunities for healing because we know that healing is the answer to trauma. So when the pandemic first started, we knew that an already traumatized people would be retraumatized in the pandemic. And so we wanted to do our part and we wanted to offer positive and uplifting, uh, messaging. And so we brainstormed and we came up with the ideas of the native wellness power hours. So here we are. Um, and we’re, you know, we’re, we’re happy to be here. We’re happy to do this. So anyway, so there’s, there’s lots to share. And so I’m going to just, I’m going to just jump right in.

Jillene Joseph (02:21):

I’m actually trying to share it on my page. So I wanted to first talk about, um, discernment. And so one of the reasons for the power hours was to provide opportunities for healing while people are at home quarantining, you know, um, et cetera. So w so they’re like little workshops. And so the discernment piece, I wanted to start off and really think about like, what is discernment? And when do we even like, hear that, hear that language to hear that word. I have a friend who, um, the story that I’m going to share with, I had shared with her and she’s like, I never, no one has ever even talked to me about discernment before. So when we think about it, like discernment, like what, what is that? Right? So we can think about discernment as the ability to, um, use our, to use our judgment, right?

Jillene Joseph (03:16):

Like not judging someone in a, in a negative way, but using our own judgment to see, for example, I’m gonna use my discernment and like, should I, should I go and do something with this, with this group of people? Like the, the vibe that I’m getting, like, isn’t very good. So I’m gonna use my discernment. Like, you know what, no, I’m not, I’m not going to go do that or using your discernment around, getting into relationships with people. Right. So, so using our judgment so years ago, probably five or more years ago, um, we were traveling on the canoe journey. So some of you are familiar with that. So Northwest coastal tribes from, you know, Alaska, Canada, you know, down the coast and from other countries that have canoe cultures come to this annual, um, celebration pre pandemic, and they traveled by canoes to a certain destination.

Jillene Joseph (04:16):

And they might be traveling for like weeks and weeks, even up to a month, out of a time to, to reach the certain destination. And so, um, my partner will, is a big part of his canoe family. And so he was, he was already gone for, you know, a week or so. And, um, they were traveling up to Bella, Bella, British Columbia, way, way up North for like practically to Alaska. And so along the way, we were going to go up there and visit for like, you know, three or four days or something like that. And so we went up there and we kept staying longer and longer. And, um, we were on Vancouver Island and pretty soon we made it to clear the clear to the top, the North end of the Island. And the next stop was going to be at this little community called alert Bay, which is kind of like, um, a little Island between the mainland and the, in the Island, this little Island called alert Bay and years and years ago, gosh, long, many decades ago, I met, um, this friend of mine from alert Bay and she used to tell me all about it.

Jillene Joseph (05:16):

So I’ve always wanted to go to alert base. I’m like, okay, we’ll stand longer and go to alert Bay. So we went there and we got to stay actually a couple of nights there. And our tent had like shredded and this really wicked, uh, wind and rainstorm the day before. So we actually got to sleep and they’re big. They called it their big house. It’s like this big long house. And, um, we got to sleep in there one night. So on then, on the night that this community was, um, like hosting everyone. So now everyone’s, everyone’s coming in. There’s like thousands of people there there’s camps everywhere. And this tribe is, um, hosting what they call their protocol, where they bring out like their best regalia and their best songs, their best dances, their best food, and, um, and host all of the visitors. So we had this amazing meal.

Jillene Joseph (06:08):

It was just like this massive seafood buffet, like all their traditional foods. And then they, they brought out this first dance and song and the speaker, you know, was giving the history about it. Right. And they talked about that this particular song and dance was, um, what got their potluck, their traditional potlatch outlawed by the Canadian government, because when they were explaining to them what this song and dance was about, they were like taking it literal because what they were describing was that this song was about cannibalism. And the Canadian officials like took it literal, like they were cannibals, but really what they were talking about was like spiritual cannibalism was just like, Whoa, it’s just like, think about that for a minute. Right. Spiritual cannibalism. And so they told the story of, there are people traveling in a canoe and they’re, they’re paddling along and it’s cold and it’s rainy and it’s windy and they’re tired and they’re hungry and they’re paddling along.

Jillene Joseph (07:16):

And they, they look over on the shore and they see this woman and she’s, and she’s holding this big basket. And in the basket, it looks like she has, you know, fish and berries and roots, and she’s, she’s waving the canoe over to come and eat. Right. And so they use their discernment, even though they’re cold and hungry and tired and all of that, they use their discernment and they realize that in the basket, it really isn’t fish and berries and roots, et cetera. Right. It’s really like dirt and bugs and worms, but she’s trying to like, learn them, learn them in. Right. And so they just talked about in our lives, when we get hungry or tired or cold or whatever, that we may be easily swayed into something and that we have to use our discernment. Right. We have to, we have to use our judgment in those, in those situations.

Jillene Joseph (08:21):

And so I just wanted to share that lesson. So after I heard that story, you know, I really paid more attention to my own discernment in all kinds of situations. Right. Um, with, with work. So of course the, the lens that I’m always coming from is dislike. Um, a lens of, of really what’s called what we call being trauma and healing informed. Like literally I they’re embedded into my, of my lens, my little tube, Walmart glasses here, but literally they’re embedded into everything that, that see even sometimes when I don’t want to, like, that’s just a natural part of who I am now, right. Is I’m always trying to look through my trauma and healing informed lens. And so in part, what that, what that means is that I have a profound understanding of trauma on behavior. It also means I have a profound understanding, um, of trauma on behavior.

Jillene Joseph (09:20):

So I seek not to retraumatize people being trauma and healing informed also means that I understand the difference between what’s wrong with you versus what happened to you. So that means like when people are behaving in, um, hurtful ways or unhealthy ways, I use my discernment right. About understanding that what is driving their behavior, right. Especially if it’s like hurtful behavior, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s happening for a reason. So I use my discernment about understanding, you know, being, being judgy towards them about, geez, what’s wrong with you? How come you’re acting like that versus understanding, Oh, like, what’s your story? Like what happened to you that makes you behave in that way? Right. Then of course, a big part of being trauma and healing informed is like doing our, doing our own healing work. Right. Doing our own healing work. And so, so using our discernment then is a part of that healing is understanding, you know, what it is and how we can get better at it.

Jillene Joseph (10:31):

Right. So just like, um, just like with any, anything, if we want to get better at something, we have to practice it. Right. And we have to do it over and over and over that that helps us to be better. So even in terms of discernment using our discernment, right. Like thinking about it and then, and then finding ourselves, like in real time when, when we’re using it. Right. And then if we don’t really think about it or use it, then how, how can we just take some time to pause and think about how we’re using discernment? So just some things to, you know, some, some things to think about there around discernment, right. When do I use discernment? So why that is important is because, um, you know, when we’re seeking earlier today, actually about an hour ago or so, um, Theda and myself were on this radio show called native America calling.

Jillene Joseph (11:27):

And the topic today was around cancel culture, right. And we used to kind of call it call-out culture. And it was only an hour long show. There was three of us. We didn’t really get to get to share a lot. Um, but even that can be an example of how we can use our discernment. Right. What happens in cancel culture, our call-out culture. What I see anyway on social media is that, um, I know because I’m trauma informed that one of the lasting impacts of trauma is chronic negativity, right? Another lasting impact of trauma is, is drama, right. B and, and chaos, and, and almost like being addicted to that, right. Another, another lasting impact of trauma is like, this need to be right. And usually people that have this need to be right, um, have to make someone else wrong. Right. And then coupled with that is also, you know, these unspoken rules that many of us grow up with.

Jillene Joseph (12:31):

So for example, when we grow up in chaos or addiction or all of that other kind of stuff, we learn some unspoken rules and those unspoken rules are, don’t talk don’t trust and don’t feel, don’t talk don’t trust, don’t feel. So when those like, intersect with everything else that like creates this perfect storm, almost for like this cancel culture, um, or call out culture, right. And then on top of that, you add a pandemic, right? So here we are, we’re, we’re now like a year into it. We’re going into the second year of this pandemic and people’s fears and anxiety and stress and worry, like everything is heightened, right. Because of this pandemic. And so you just layer that on top of everything else, and then you have this perfect storm where cancel culture, our call-out culture, whatever. So even that example of using our discernment, right.

Jillene Joseph (13:35):

Using our discernment, when we see things on social media, do I need to jump right in there and, you know, insert myself into this, or can I pause, right. Can I pause and sleep on something? Can I pause and pray about something so I can respond instead of react. It’s like using, using our discernment, that that’s an example of how we can use our discernment, right. Judging the situation. And so that becomes a tool for our well-being the discernment piece, right? Sometimes I don’t need to insert myself anywhere, or I can use my discernment to address a certain situation, maybe in a way that’s going to be a little bit more constructive. Right. And the other part, you know, I mentioned about being trauma and healing informed is like seeking not to re-traumatize people. And that example of the, the cancel culture, our call-out culture can be like very hurtful to people.

Jillene Joseph (14:37):

Right. So we, so we always have to, to think about that. So the next thing, um, the next area that I wanted to talk about was our, is forgiveness, right. Forgiveness. So this is a huge area for healing. Okay. So remember, like our power hours are all about providing opportunities for healing to provide tips and tools and strategies for healing. So that, that’s what today is about. And so forgiveness is a, is a huge part of that. And so again, when we are raised, you know, with those unspoken rules of don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel, um, it can be challenging for us to forgive or, or even ask for forgiveness or to be forgiven when we grow up. Um, and we have a lasting impact of trauma of, you know, this, this big need to be, right. Like people that have that, um, as the lasting impact of trauma, have a hard time, even like apologizing as an example, because when we apologize, that means that we were wrong.

Jillene Joseph (15:54):

And if we have this severe need to be right, like we’re not, we’re not going to apologize. Right. And that that’s tied to forgiveness. So forgiveness really is, um, choosing not to be mad or, or angry towards someone or something like that’s what forgiveness is, right. Forgiveness. Um, it’s also about having compassion and empathy towards the other person or other people. Right. And like physically telling them that, um, that, that you forgive them. So we can think about forgiveness, um, and lots of different ways. Right. So figuring out what is forgiveness, right. And then there’s actually, um, I’m always like, I’m a very curious person. And I like to learn about these kinds of things. And I like to learn how they impact like our brains and how they impact our, our bodies. And there’s actually been like lots of research done on, on forgiveness and the power of forgiveness.

Jillene Joseph (16:57):

It’s part of why I want to talk about it today. So there’s like, you know, powerful ways that it impacts our body. And when we don’t forgive, it can contribute to depression, our depression, it can contribute to anxiety. It can contribute to unhealthy anger. Right. Um, so even looking at that, right, like, like healthy anger and unhealthy anger, right. And just like just kind of dropping some food for thought kinds of things to think about. So what this means then if we don’t forgive, right. And we’re holding on to that hurt, usually it’s easier to express our hurt through anger. Right. Because maybe we haven’t learned to be vulnerable and express our hurt. So when we don’t forgive, we continue to hold on to all of that kind of stuff. Right. The anger that may turn into rage that may turn into resentment, that may turn into revenge.

Jillene Joseph (18:04):

And then this is how we spend our life. Right. Like holding onto all that kind of stuff. And then pretty soon we have, you know, high blood pressure or we have these rashes that come out or we have all these things, the way that these emotions impact us, because we’re holding on to all of these kinds of things. Right. So like, there’s, there’s power in and forgiveness because it helps us to like, get rid of these things that we’re holding onto, that, that are impacting us. So we can think about, you know, the people in our lives, whether they’re our family members, our friends are our colleagues that we work with. Right. And we can tell the people that hold onto stuff. Right. So for example, you might go into a meeting and in the meeting, like, Oh, it just feels like yucky inside the meeting.

Jillene Joseph (19:00):

Right. You feel, um, you feel the stress, right. Um, you feel the anger and you might, you might leave the meeting and say, Oh my gosh, I feel like I need a shower to, to get rid of that. So what, what you’re feeling is like the energy in the room, right? So our emotions have energy. So the people that are bringing their anger that are bringing their anxiety, that are bringing their stress, that are bringing their rage, that are bringing their resentment, that are bringing their event, their feelings of revenge are all of those other kinds of emotions. Like that’s what you’re feeling in that space. Right. Versus if you’ve ever gone to a meeting or into a situation where you laughed and you felt like you could levitate because every, because you felt love and joy and kindness and compassion and empathy, right? Like that’s the energy that, that you felt, this is, this is so important with forgiveness, right.

Jillene Joseph (20:00):

So it’s looking at what are, what are you holding onto? Right. And there there’s the whole spectrum of forgiveness, meaning that there’s the whole spectrum of things that people do that some people will say no way, I can never forgive them for that. You know, maybe they, maybe they killed one of your family members as an example. That’s like at one end of the forgiveness spectrum. Right. And then the other end is like little kids on the playground who somebody’s, somebody cut in line and they got on a swing set first and little kids are so good at forgiving. Like they modeled that for us, like, well, that’s okay. And then they go along, I forgive you. And they go along their lives. Right. The kind of two extreme examples on, on this, and then all the points in between. So what I’m kind of talking about here is, is, is forgiveness is about us and our, our wellbeing.

Jillene Joseph (20:58):

Okay. Um, because when we don’t forgive and we hold on to all that kind of stuff, it, it continues to like hold us hostage. Right. The things that were, that were hurt about that, we, that we turn into anger or rage, like it continues to hold us hostage. Right. So then I talked about the energy that is associated with that, and then the energy that we carry around because of that. So, um, we can think about, you know, feeling, but the, for another person, okay, this can also maybe be called, like compassion, you know, putting, putting ourselves and another person shoe as an example, you know, trying to be trauma and healing informed and thinking about what is, what is their story, right. Why, you know, why did they do this? Um, and, and oftentimes again, because of trauma, we take other people’s behavior and we, and we make it about us.

Jillene Joseph (22:05):

So, you know, I talked to a lot of women actually about forgiving their partners because they cheated, they cheated on them. Right. And they take that personal. Like they, they did this to me. Right. They did this to me and I’ll, I’ll never forgive them. And then we’d go around carrying around this anger and resentment and all of that. And it’s still like, it’s still impacting us. Their behaviors are still holding us hostage. So one of the things is like, you know, looking at, um, how we think about these things we surround ourselves with, uh, with, and who do we bounce, our thoughts and ideas around. So our is, is your circle of support. People that are encouraging you to, to take revenge or encouraging you to stay angry, or are the people that you’re asking for guidance and stuff, you know, telling you things that are helping you to think differently about things.

Jillene Joseph (23:09):

Right. So we can kind of think about that. Yeah. Who are my support people? And are, are they the, are they the best people to be asking for guidance around this? Right. Have they done some healing work or around forgiveness as an example. Right. So when we forgive, you know, one way to think about it is that forgiveness is for us, right. Because it’s helping us to release emotions that we may hang on to. That really don’t service in a good way. Right. Sometimes we may need to forgive people. Maybe they’re not even alive anymore. Right. And we can just forgive them in our head, or maybe we’re going to write them a letter and then, and then burn it. Right. Or maybe we are going to have a conversation with someone. Right. And if we can’t like even fathom, like having a conversation with someone, because we just think we can’t do it, then maybe you’re going to send an email or send a text or send that to send that letter.

Jillene Joseph (24:08):

Right. So that forgive, that first part is really for you, it’s like a gift for yourself. And then it can also be a gift for the other person. Um, just to help them maybe let go of, you know, some guilt or, you know, pain that they’re, that they’re hanging on to as well. Right. I remember years after, um, I got divorced, like I’m S I’m bad with years. I don’t know. It was years. Maybe. I don’t know. A lot of, a lot of years after, I don’t remember how long I’ve been divorced. I don’t keep track. But anyway, I had a conversation with him, my kids, his dad. And I just said, you know, I just want you to know that I forgive you for everything that you did or didn’t, or didn’t do, you know, I just, I don’t hold anything, anything against you.

Jillene Joseph (25:00):

And he didn’t really know how to like, take that, you know, and he’d go, yeah. You know, and then like, change, change the subject to something else. So, but I wasn’t holding on to anything. Right. And I didn’t want him to either, you know, so there’s like gifts give forgiveness is a gift to ourselves and it can be a gift to, you know, some other, the other person or people as well. And then sometimes, um, we have to forgive ourselves, right. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for things maybe that we did or didn’t do. And so, because one of the lasting impacts of trauma is like this chronic negativity, many of us are like super good at this self, um, negative talk that, that we do in our heads. Right. Um, and some of us, it’s like first thing in the morning we, we get right in and we start telling ourselves all kinds of bad things about our own selves.

Jillene Joseph (26:06):

And sometimes that spills over and we do the same to other people, right? Maybe even people in our own lives, or maybe even in our own homes. And we start doing the same to them. So sometimes then we have to forgive ourselves. And this is important because when we forgive ourselves, that helps us to feel worthy, right. And feeling worthy then can change our behavior to like wanting healing for ourselves. Right. Feeling worthy then helps us to want to do self care. Right. Because we care about ourselves. We may even get to a place of like liking ourselves, or we may even get to a place of loving ourselves. And then we can view self care as an act of self-love. So sometimes it’s about forgiving ourselves, choosing not to beat up ourselves anymore for something that we did or, or didn’t do, right. For giving to, um, you know, be gentle with ourselves and be kind with ourselves and be understanding.

Jillene Joseph (27:23):

So when we start our healing journeys and we start learning about trauma and all of the ways that plays out, you know, that’s really what these power hours are. We’re trying to help you connect the dots. We’re trying to help you have better understanding of your own behaviors. Right. We’re trying to help you have better understanding of other people’s behaviors as well, because we, we want you to be happy. We want you to live a life of joy and love and kindness and laughter and compassion, because we know so many of our people don’t so many of our people don’t so many of our people beat themselves up every day for something that they did maybe 20 or 30 years ago. And they still hold on to that. Right. We know that our people are really, really good at holding on to stuff. Right. Um, so much we pass it down to the next generation.

Jillene Joseph (28:18):

Okay. And we see examples of that, right? Like, no, you can’t go play with those kids. You know, we don’t, we don’t talk to that family. Well, why, I don’t know that that’s what my grandma told me. Right. Like we hang up, we hang on to stuff like that. So self-forgiveness is also in there when we, when we talk about forgiveness. And so just like with discernment, when we start forgiving, we can become better and better and better at forgiving. And then we can, we can have like, um, some people will even call it like a forgiving heart. We can have a forgiving heart. So an example of that, my partner will, he has a forgiving heart. And part of it is because of his life experience of being a two time, I call him a two time, um, champion cancer survivor. So he has this whole look on life as precious.

Jillene Joseph (29:19):

Like every little thing about life is so precious. So when you have a perspective like that, like life is so, so precious. You’re not going to hold on to, like, you’re not going to hold on to anger or rage or resentment or all the kind of stuff that, that we hold on to you’re, you’re going to have forgiveness. You’re going to have forgiveness. And so his forgiveness is like, almost like the snap of a finger. Right. So that is, that inspires me. Right. So I like to have discernment to think about forgiveness and then I like to forgive. And then if I, if I keep thinking about it or if I keep talking about it, it means that I haven’t really fully let go. I haven’t really fully forgiven. Right. So then I keep, I keep for forgiving, like in my head even more until finally it really is gone because in my mind, if I’m, if I’m not forgiving and I’m still holding onto the anger or the resentment or the hurt, the hurt, the pain, whatever, like I’m still being held hostage by that.

Jillene Joseph (30:29):

And those emotions of anger and fear and rage and resentment or whatever are taking the place of where love and kindness and compassion could be. Does that make sense? This is how I think about it and in my head, so I want to have a forgiving, a forgiving heart. Right. And it doesn’t mean that, you know, um, I don’t take things serious or, you know, stuff like that, but I, I want to have a forgiving heart and be that kind of person, because I don’t want that. I don’t want to be filled with that kind of emotion. So another way to think about it is when we don’t forgive, um, like it does, it does impact us. Right. And I talked about that already, that depression, anxiety, the unhealthy anger, you know, sometimes anger motivates us to do something constructive. Right. And that’s like a healthy anger.

Jillene Joseph (31:30):

The unhealthy anger is when we, we hold on to that and we become bitter and negative and all of that. So we can think about, you know, your legacy, right? Your legacy. Do you want to leave a legacy of anger and fear and resentment and negativity and bitterness, right? Or, you know, do you want to leave a legacy of kindness and love and joy and happiness? So these are, you know, these are like some deep things to think about, right? And it is also about, you know, the energy that you bring into a space. And so I think I shared this before, one of the power hours, w uh, years ago, we were in Seattle, we got invited to Seattle Washington, um, for this event called seeds of compassion. And they were bringing in like all these world, spiritual leaders and stuff. And one of them was the Dalai Lama and the Dalai Lama wanted, um, requested 1000 drummers to come and be a part of his procession.

Jillene Joseph (32:46):

And he was speaking, you know, in the stadium where the Seahawks play. So he like, um, tribal, you know, natives, drummers, Japanese drummers, African drummers, all these different kinds of people. And so what he was doing was trying to like affect the vibration in the stadium. Right. So energy is measured by vibration. So that’s, that’s important to know. So the other thing is, before he came out into the stadium, he requested to meet with the tribal people that were, um, involved with this event. There was like 200 of us in this room. We’re all waiting to meet the Dalai Lama. So we’re standing there, we’re just awaiting. And then the secret service men came in and they said, we’re sorry, but the Dalai Lama won’t be able to meet with you today. He has to be on a conference call because at that time the Chinese people were killing his people, the Tibetan people.

Jillene Joseph (33:49):

And anyway, he had to deal with that. So we’re like, Oh man, we won’t get to meet with the Dalai Lama. And so the organizer said, okay, well, you know, get something to eat, go to the bathroom, whatever, and get ready. And then we’re going to get ready for this procession. So everyone kind of leaves, and there’s maybe like 30 or 40 of us left in this room. And so we’re kind of like looking down at our tickets, like, Oh, where’s our seats at, you know, wondering where we’re going to be sitting in the stadium. And all of a sudden something changed. Like I felt something changed in the room. And so I look up and I’m like looking around, like what just happened? Like, something does shifted in this room and in walks the Dalai Lama, like, so you could feel him before he even came into the space.

Jillene Joseph (34:35):

And the, the best word that I know to use was that like, you felt love like, like pouring out of this man, you know? And so we looked up and then we were right there where he came in and then he took the time to like greet every single one of us individually and, and give us this, you know, a blessing. And so what, that, that was so profound for me because what it did was it made me think about what do people feel when I walk into a room. Right. What do people feel when I walk into a room? Because I know what it feels like, like to feel this love from somebody, but I also know what it’s like to be in a room that was someone who is bitter and negative and resentful and full of anger and full of hate. Like, I felt that before, too.

Jillene Joseph (35:24):

Right. So that becomes another tool then for our wellbeing. What do people feel when you walk into a room? Right. So just like, think about that for, for a minute, two or for a week or a month, or for some years, think about that. What do people feel when you walk into a room? It’s pretty powerful, pretty powerful stuff. So I want to leave a legacy of, of love and kindness and compassion. Like I want to leave that legacy for my children. I want to leave that legacy for, um, different family members. Thanks. See, they love me. They just brought me a, um, anyway, I want, I want to leave that legacy. Right. Um, yeah. So just some things to think about. Right. Awesome. Okay. So the next, the last thing I want to talk, we can talk about forgiveness for like, that could be a whole power hour.

Jillene Joseph (36:29):

Right. Um, but I just kinda wanted to, to just leave some things to think about right. Solve for figuring out what is forgiveness, really looking at self forgiveness, looking at forgiving other people and using your discernment. Right. Um, and really looking at forgiveness is about us. It’s not always about the other person. It’s not forgiving the unforgivable. Um, but forgiveness is about us. So we don’t have to carry around that stuff that contributes to depression and anxiety and anger and all of that right. Forgiveness is about, um, lightening that load. So it doesn’t have to have that power over us. Right. And sometimes we need to start with forgiving ourselves and then get to a place of having a forgiving heart. When we have forgiving hearts, guess what? Like, we laugh more, we uplift other people more. Uh, we seek out opportunities for joy. Like that’s, that’s the power of forgiveness.

Jillene Joseph (37:33):

Okay. So the last thing I want to talk about, I know time would go by, is self regulation, self regulation. And we can start to see how, like, all of these things are connected right. From the discernment and then the forgiveness piece, and then moving into self-regulation. So self regulation then is like having the ability to, um, like gauge and monitor like our, our own energy. So I talked about that a little bit. Um, it’s having the ability to monitor, engage our emotions, our thoughts, and then our behaviors, right. Because our emotions and our thoughts contribute to the behaviors, you know, like, like how we behave. So it’s having the ability to, to gauge those things, um, and to behave in ways that are like socially acceptable. Right. Um, self-regulation helps us to, to feel, okay. Okay. That’s what self-regulation does. It helps us to be okay to feel okay.

Jillene Joseph (38:47):

Self-regulation also helps us to, um, just like feel in balance. Right. And we can think about feeling balanced, um, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually self-regulation helps us to learn. Self-regulation helps us to like, have healthy relationships with people. And when you look at like the big picture in life, like life is about having healthy relationships, right? Starting like with ourself, having healthy relationship with ourselves, having a healthy relationships with our creator, having a healthy relationship with the earth, having a healthy relationship. Now we can go on and on and on. Right. So we can think about self-regulation helps us to do those things. Okay. So sometimes, um, because we hold on to all kinds of stuff that does not serve us in a good way, we have different levels of self-regulation for ourselves. So does that make sense? So for example, if we’re holding on to, you know, the anger and the resentment, um, and all, all of that kind of stuff, um, that’s gonna impact our ability to have discernment, right.

Jillene Joseph (40:08):

When we hold on to all that kind of stuff, um, we’re more apt to like fly off the handle instead of respond to something we’re gonna react to something. Okay. And then that usually causes more, more hurt and harm. Okay. So self-regulation is doing something that’s gonna make, that’s going to make us feel okay. And so we can think about, um, these self-regulation tools and strategies and things that we learn our whole entire lives. Right? So, um, all of, all of the traditional practices from the time that from the time that we’re born, right, until we’re in our later stages in lives is contributing to our self-regulation help helping us to feel good. Whether it’s going through a ceremony to get your Indian name, right. Our Indian names can, can be a self regulator because it helps us to have the sense of identity and the sense of belonging.

Jillene Joseph (41:17):

Uh, when I was growing up, my grandma always, always, always asked me what my Indian name was always. Right. She wanted to me to remember that because when we’re, when we’re named, it’s like, we were also given that person’s characteristics. Right? So it’s, it’s just this constant reminder, which was, which was about self-regulation right. When we, if you’re named after one of your ancestors, as an example, how did they behave? Right. And their behavior was about the way they thought and the way they felt, because those, those guide our behaviors, right? So those can become a self-regulation tool. And then maybe we grow up and, and our parents used a cradle board on us for self-regulation because they wanted us to feel safe and secure and to be safe and secure. Right. When we have that kind of foundation, then this, this helps us as we grow into a five-year-old and a ten-year-old and a 20 year old, right.

Jillene Joseph (42:21):

The self-regulation tools help us all along. So as, as you’re sitting here tuning in, you know, you can think about your self-regulation tools, but also what are you teaching are showing other people, whether it’s your children or your grandchildren, how are you teaching them to self-regulate? So another example is a one time we were doing this youth gathering and, um, there was all kinds of activity we’re in this big gym, there’s all kinds of activity going on. And one part of the gym, the chairs were in a big circle, right. And that’s where we would go to, to do, to start in another part, there was all these tables for people to eat that. And this other part, you know, it was all this craft stuff was going on. There was like a drum in the corner and these big lights. So there was just lots of stuff going on.

Jillene Joseph (43:08):

So a lot of our people that’s like too much, it’s too much lights, too much, too much energy, too much people. And this young man was trying to self-regulate. And what he did was he went and found this big piece of felt, it looked like a big blanket. And he took that piece of felt and he went and sat in the corner and he put that blanket over him. So he was self-regulating. He was trying to make himself feel okay, well, his adult chaperone tried to go over there and rip that blanket off him and make him come sit in the circle. And so I ran behind her and I’m like, no, no, no, no. Just like, let him be, he’s fine. Like, he’s trying to, self-regulate, he’s trying to make himself feel okay right now. And so there again, I’m using my discernment, right.

Jillene Joseph (43:57):

To see like, what’s really going on here. So this, this becomes a tool for us to use in our lives, whether it’s with our own kids or grandkids, whether it’s with our colleagues and coworkers, whether it’s with other people in our, in our community, right. Is to look at, um, self-regulation how people are making themselves feel. Okay. And then when we’re in communities like doing this work, you know, are we teaching people self-regulation tools? Are we even teaching people about self-regulation right. What are the tools to make myself, okay. What are the tools to make myself okay. Do I have the skills and the ability to monitor and engage my emotions, my energy, my thoughts, my behaviors, right. In ways that are, that are socially acceptable. Okay. Um, because you know, uh, there’s tons of examples of, of people that don’t have the self-regulation, um, skills.

Jillene Joseph (45:07):

Right. And so one of the things that, I’ve one of the ways that I’ve learned from my mentors, you know, is this, this word halt, right? H a L T halt. So if I’m feeling I’m hungry, if I’m feeling angry, if I’m feeling lonely, if I’m feeling tired, I should halt. That’s what those letters stand for. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired halt. So halting then becomes a self-regulation tool. Okay. So if I’m feeling any of those things, if I’m feeling hungry, what can I do? Right. Well, I can eat right. To help myself feel better. I can eat. Okay. So if I’m angry, you know, what can I do? Well, I could pause. Maybe I’m going to, maybe I’m going to smudge, right. Maybe I’m going to stop and I’m going to smudge. Maybe I’m going to stop and I’m going to pray. Maybe I’m going to go outside.

Jillene Joseph (46:11):

I’m going to go for a run. I’m going to go outside and scream and, and, and yell. But I’m a bit, but if I’m angry, I’m going to do something to move through that. So anger, anger is, is an emotion that we have. And it’s normal. Like being angry is okay. Right. But if, but it’s gonna, it’s gonna impact our discernment. It’s gonna impact the way that we feel inside. So like, we can move through that and release it. Right. So we can embrace other emotions that are going to help us move forward. Okay. So think about things that we can do for angry. And then if we’re lonely, like what are things that we can do for lonely? Like this has been paramount, like in this pandemic, right. We have people that have been quarantining alone by themselves. They’ve literally have been alone by themselves.

Jillene Joseph (47:06):

Right. And so their phones become their friend, their friend, right. Call calling family members and friends. Zoom has become their friend connecting with, with people even in that way. Right. Writing letters as an example. So my daughter and her friend, they watch, they watch movies together. Right. Like separately, but together, not what they’ll watch the same thing. So that’s cool. So think about things that we can do when we’re, when we’re lonely. And of course, when we’re tired, like sleep, go take a nap. So when I meditate and it’s a 20 minute meditation, but sometimes after I get done meditating, I S I’m tired. Like I feel tired. So guess what I do. I, I sleep. I can, I just, I take a nap. So our bodies are always gonna, you know, be a great indicator and taking care and taking care of us. So I, so I listened to myself.

Jillene Joseph (48:06):

Right. Okay. So self self-regulation making ourselves feel. Okay. So this is also tied. It’s tied to work to our healing. Um, and I mentioned it earlier sometimes when we don’t have the self-love, uh, we’re not going to do the self care. Right. When we’re hungry, all I know I’m hungry, but I got it. I got to go do this, or I got to do that. Right. Or if we’re tired, like, we’d, we’d just keep going. We’re not gonna nap or, or go to bed earlier. So that, that self-love is so important. And so when we back up and we take a look at these three things, so I really gave some thought about the three things that I wanted to address. So the discernment piece, the forgiveness piece and the self-regulation piece. So as we move through life and our own healing journeys, we can use these as tools.

Jillene Joseph (49:15):

Right? We can use these as tools. So the native wellness Institute and all these power hours, this is what we have been big on is sharing tools. So we can’t heal you, but we know that you are so powerful that you can heal ourselves. This is, this is how our ancestors thought, right? You are so powerful, right. You can use these tools to help to heal yourself. Okay. And, and really, that was one of the premises of even doing these power hours as while people were quarantining, while people were at home, that this was going to be our part, this was going to be our contribution to, you know, drop some knowledge. And also we’re doing is we’re sharing things that are mentors that are elders, that our ancestors have shared with us. Like that that’s, that’s what we’re doing here. Right. And we’re doing that because we love you.

Jillene Joseph (50:12):

We love you. And we want you to, you know, live a life of joy and happiness, right? We want to interact with people that have love and joy in their hearts. We want our children and grandchildren and friends to have relationships with other people that have joy and love and kindness in their hearts. Because so too often in our families and our communities, we see and hear and feel the bitterness and the anger and the rage and the resentment, right? Like, raise your hand out there. If you, if you love someone or live with someone or work with someone like that’s how you would describe them, right. Bitter angry, negative resentful, like this is the lasting impact of trauma. So when we use these tools, it can help our, our healing journeys. It can help our healing journeys. So I just want to review again, um, about being trauma and healing informed.

Jillene Joseph (51:21):

Okay. And this is really the, the foundation of the work that the native wellness Institute does. So, um, one, we have a profound understanding of trauma on behavior. So we understand that people that experienced trauma, how it plays out in their behavior. So I talked about theater and I were just on native America calling right before this are an hour ago or so. And they were, and the topic was on cancel culture. And one of the examples they gave was, you know, men who, um, sexually target or sexually abuse limit, like, shouldn’t, we shouldn’t, we call them out. Right. Well, um, I mean, I want that behavior to stop as well. Right. And I don’t agree. I don’t agree with that behavior. However, how I look at it is I look at, you know, what is, what is their story? Like, why are they behaving that way?

Jillene Joseph (52:23):

Right. That’s what being trauma and healing informed. Is it doesn’t, it doesn’t, uh, excuse the behavior. It explains the behavior. Right. And actually right now, um, some of our men are working with this men’s group who had some awareness about their behaviors, their abusive behaviors towards women. And they did like actively did some healing work around that and like started this whole support group and all of this kind of stuff. And now they’ve apologized. Um, and now they want to come out. They want to have they’re coming out of like, they’re, they’re a person that’s in healing and they don’t want to carry this label anymore. And they’re wondering how to do that. So we’re actually, we’re like talking through this right now. Like yeah. How do they do that? So being trauma-informed then is, is helping to have understanding and compassion for people. Right.

Jillene Joseph (53:27):

And I really believe like that is how our ancestors did things. It was coming from a place of compassion. Right. And even when people were, um, stood up, whether it’s in a ceremony or in a community gathering, and some people may say, Oh, that’s public shaming, but other, other people may say, it’s guidance. You’re giving them guidance and you’re standing them up in front of the community. So the community can help them be a better person. Right. So the other part of being trauma and healing informed is so connecting the dots between trauma and behavior, understanding the difference between what’s wrong with you versus what happened to you. The other part of being trauma and healing informed is not to retraumatize people. And this is again where the discernment piece comes in, right? Because sometimes our words can be traumatizing to another person. Sometimes just the way we look right.

Jillene Joseph (54:37):

Um, can be traumatizing. The things that we say of course can be traumatizing to another person. So really helping ourselves understand that. And then of course, a big part of being trauma, healing and farmed is also understanding like our brains and how, how our brains work and how that contributes to our behaviors. And then another big part of being trauma and healing informed is that we were doing our own healing work. Right? So, and remember with healing like healing, isn’t a destination. Like it really is a journey. So sometimes people will say, or their supervisors will say go to that wellness and healing training. So you can check it off and be healed. Like it doesn’t always work like that. Right? So healing is a journey. It’s not a destination. And the reason it’s a journey is because there’s traumatic things that continue to happen in our lives.

Jillene Joseph (55:31):

Like we’re, we’re all in this pandemic, right? This pandemic is, is trauma. And this pandemic has been really triggering to people, right? It’s been reach agree. And then we can think about, um, other ways that we’re actively doing our, our healing. And usually when we’re healing, we’re, we’re not hurting. Usually when we’re healing, we’re not hurting. So that was just, if you think so discernment, forgiveness, and self-regulation as tools for our own healing journeys. We now have over 300 native wellness power hours that you can dig into and learn. There’s like tons of topics, three over 300 topics, including concerts and healthy cooking demonstrations. But you can find them all on our YouTube channel. You can go, go back and watch or rewatch them. I’ve rewatched several of them. Um, the, these have become a part of my own self regulation, my self care during, during this pandemic.

Jillene Joseph (56:36):

So we encourage you to do that. We also have, you can see I’m wearing my, get your well on shirt. So we have, um, a nice hoodie or a sweatshirt that says I am worthy. So we want to promote like we’re worthy of healing. Like we’re worthy of feeling good. We’re worthy of being happy. Like we, like we really are. And then we have a bunch of other t-shirts. So the sales of our t-shirts help to, um, help to fund our, our power hours. You know, we offer them to you for, for your, you know, healing and self care journeys. So it’s already in my hours already up. I hope you enjoyed the power hour. Um, please, please share it with your family and friends and coworkers and colleagues. So other people can tune in enjoy. We come live to you every day at noon, Pacific time, we have, uh, three more awesome sessions this week, and we’re just grateful that you, that you tune in. And I hope you have a great rest of your day.

Jillene Joseph (57:38):

All right. Take care.