Healthy Relationships Part II with Marcus “Emcee One” Guinn
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (00:45):
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (00:48):
Six eyes already. All right, Give it a couple of seconds here, Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (01:27):
Turn the volume down. Hey, what up party? People in a place to be? All right. Oh, good morning. Somebody watch it for more than one in time. Still am. All right. What up Virginia? What’s going on? All right. Good thing started here momentarily. Let’s say her way. The judge ain’t weekday Marcus. Hello. My name is Marcus Osage, Pottawatomie, Delaware, Puerto Rican on my dad’s side. And, uh, yeah, they, uh, Julian hit me up with, uh, what’d you do on Tuesday. They, I guess, had a request for some, uh, to elaborate a little more on what we discussed last time will help your relationships. So that’s what we’re going to be doing today, but I’m going to try this time to, uh, keep in track with the comments here so we could do this together. You know what I mean? We can kind of unpack this, uh, and, and, and have like a little bit of a dialogue, not a monologue.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (02:34):
Um, I want to say right off the top that, uh, I’m not like a, like an expert or coming into this space as, as a somebody to try to tell people like how to live or any of that. It’s more of some things that have helped me in my life. And there have been some, some nuggets that have really helped me some nuggets of gold that have, that have been very helpful in my walk. And so I submit those kind of like on a buffet table for people’s, uh, could take what they like and throw away what they don’t and if it works for you then, great. Um, these are just submitted for your approval and I’m appreciative that I have the opportunity. I’m not sure today who the sponsor is usually it’s the noise foundation, but I’ll wait and see if the, uh, sponsor will be, be, uh, dropped into the comment section so that we can make sure that our sponsor has properly, Uh, yeah, yeah.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (03:41):
Chairman and let’s see if, uh, she’ll put the sponsor down for us. Yeah. So I’m getting back into these, uh, again, uh, just some nuggets of thought that have helped me throughout the course of my life and to transition, to give you a little background, you know, you know, I, I used to be, you know, I’m currently currently kind of like a, like a conference. Like I go to a lot of national conferences. I do a lot of production and keynote and speak. And so there’s a lot of different attributes that are utilized in the conference world. But before I was on this side of the equation, I used to live on the other side of the equation. And that means that I was probably, you could say one of the members that are all conference snag team. And in other words, that was kind of the motivation for why we would do a lot of this, uh, this stuff. And then as I progressed and became spiritual, I unpacked a lot of that in the last episode. And I think those are recorded. So you can check back with that, but we’re going to do a little review and how I came to this side of the equation of, uh, going from Wolf in sheep’s clothing to sheep, dog, if you will, kind of a role changed once I was illuminated and had some self-awareness to some of the spiritual,
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (05:03):
Um, Some of the spirit spiritual ramifications of what we’re doing in the physical and how that, that the correlation was between that and the spiritual, some of those processes began to become real. And I started to want to walk out a philosophy of being old school in the new school, some of those old school philosophies, could they be relevant in the new school, like in the today’s day? How does some of those traditional values, how do we use those today when, especially when it comes to healthy relationships and how we interact with each other and create these families and family units and et cetera, GaN fellows, just joining, not an expert, I’m merely, I’m sharing with you some nuggets that have helped me, and hopefully they may help you as well. And so just to get some recap, let me share the screen to see if they gave the, uh, the, uh, sponsor yes.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (06:04):
Noise foundation. We appreciate them. And so we very, very, very appreciative. Let’s see if this, let me share my screen with you. We did some, we did this before. Like again, you can review, uh, what, what we talked about in the past and what we ended off on was this concept of an intimacy and that the way it’s spelled here, a emanates real clearly for me, what that is. And I think I said last time, I know that’s not a term we use walking around in a hood. Well, so man, I’m just chilling in my intimacy, right. But into me, see, gives me kind of a better perspective on what I’m sharing when it comes to intimacy. And so we unpacked how we got to this place of intimacy and what intimacy was a little bit, how we share different levels of intimacy when it comes time to create a healthy relationship. Well, before you get there, how do you get there? Right? So here’s some of the processes we will back up a little bit. Oh wait, let me make sure I do this right now.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (07:20):
Okay. We’ll come back up to where we got there from a little bit. And we started with our beliefs and how in our belief systems, there can be false information deposited in our beliefs. As we grow up, they come from various sources. Our belief systems were created. Our right to wrongs were given to us by very many different sources, uh, in life. And those sources tend to be, uh, outside of a deity. The, those, those, uh, sources, even those that mean, well can give us false information. They might be the best information they had at the time, but it might not necessarily have been based in truth. It might’ve just been, you know, how they were raised and they might pass on that. So some of our belief systems have shrapnel of false information in them. So I used the example of you. Good for nothing.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (08:13):
You’ll be just like your dad. That does. That’s what I heard. You know, dang good for nothing. You’ll be just like your dad. Dang. What, why you say so my dad’s good for nothing too. Cause my dad was absent growing up. I didn’t know. I knew who he was. And so I could fill in that blank, positive or negative, but then it was filled in the blank negative for me. So then if I believe negative, good for nothing good for nothing good for nothing. Then how am I feeling? How am I actions? How my habits, my personality and my destination point over time, those can be positive or negative. Those are gonna be negative. If I’ve held on to a lie, good for nothing good for nothing good for me, I’m gonna feel negative and have actions negative a bit. I’m up become my habits will be unstable personality over the map.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (09:00):
My destination point in life. If my destination point is to have a healthy relationship, then I’m going to need to base that on something that’s true, not false, right? So I’m going to need to money to change that lie, change that, that bit of false information where that came from. And again, some of those come from well-meaning sources, some of them come from sources. That don’t mean well. And what I mean by that is so I might’ve had a parent that wasn’t equipped or I might’ve had a parent that came from trauma and they pass on some of whatever the information they had that came from illegitimate sources. They pass that. So I have secondhand illegitimate facts, or maybe I got that through some of the media I’m consuming. Maybe I got that through some of, you know, if I listened to content over and over and over again about women are here to be objectified.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (09:55):
And that I’m supposed to like my identity as a man is based on what type of girl I can own or possess. See this only subliminals if I’m consuming now, am I saying consuming that in moderation, I’m saying you’re consuming that constantly. You’re inundated with that kind of narrative, then that those false bits of data getting your belief system, you’re going to feel a certain way about females. As, as a guy, as me, I’m going to feel that a certain way about, about her. I’m going to act a certain way and behave. And then personality and destination point in life will be certain outcome because I believe a lie. So we have to replace lie with truth. We have replaced it with the truth we got to get, uh, that substituted out with. So now the hard part with truth is I’m going to be watching the comments here. Okay.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (10:57):
The hard part with truth is that there’s a lot of things. Well, who say, well, chew the just relative, you know what? I might be true for you, but for me, my truth is right. And so, and there’s a form of my truth in the sense that I have to live my truth. There is a form of that. That’s true. But there’s also this, this narrative that truth is relative, which means that it depends on a person’s perspective that something might be true, but then it might not be true for somebody else. And so what I wanted to kind of sift through here is for me, I had to get to the bare nuts and bolts of what the word truth meant like truth. Is there something on the planet that’s unarguable? It’s like, okay, that’s true. Because I became, you know, like a quest for examples of, okay, what is unarguable?
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (11:56):
You know, like, so like what I came up with as an example, and I used to quote a song that I won’t quote anymore because of the guy who sings it. But, uh, I came up with, uh, gravity as an example. Okay. What I like about gravity as an example is that if we all, wherever we’re at wherever you’re sitting there scrolling or whatever, if you were to leave and go to the highest part of your building, wherever you’re at, we all, and you were to test gravity, it’s going to treat us all the same. It’s going to treat us all absolutely positively the same welcome lineup up there. We could get to the top of the toppest point in our city. And each one of us could test gravity and we could all jump off one at a time. Right. And what’s cool about true is that it treats everybody the same.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (12:49):
It’s the fairest thing on the planet. And for someone who was raised with an upbringing that I could point to and say, wow, I feel like my upbringing was unfair. You know, parents, addicts, dad missing, you know, you got all these different, your mom ends up heroin. The Isaiah AIDS, like there’s a lot of attributes you could say. Um, and what, life’s not fair. But when you run into truth, one thing about true one attribute about truth is that it’s, it’s fair. It doesn’t play favorites. And if we were all lined up at that top point and all of us take our turn, uh, even if you believed you could fly, can you, but I believe everything in me, my beliefs tell me I can fly. I can jump off. No, no parachute, no a hang glider. No, just, you know, red bull suit that has the wings in it.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (13:41):
None of that, which is all lined up there just as we are, it’s it’s going to treat us all the same. Each one of us is going to go, ah, it’s never going to say, ah, hold on. This guy had a hard life float him to the ground, right? It’s never going to say that it’s going to be equal. It’s going to be fair. It’s never going to say, hold up. Her auntie’s on council. Slam her faster. A just kidding. Uh, it’s not, it’s not gonna, you can’t bribe it. It’s not going to go faster for some slower for others. It’s going to treat everybody the same. So when I started to study truth and the unrelative nature about truth, how it, that doesn’t, it’s not based on people’s perspective of truth. There is a truth that lives universal, that there are some truths out there that are true across the board.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (14:41):
But when you can find those nuggets of truth, those are worth more than gold Rams and fancy cars and cool accolades there. That nugget of, of true truth now of, of universal trueness. When you find little nuggets of that, that apply across the board to everyone equally, fairly man, which I love that it was fair. First time I found something that was fairly, man, I can’t bribe it. I can’t pay it off. It’s going to penetrate everybody the same. When you find nuggets of truth like that, you’re able to chart your course by those. You can chart your course by truth rather than by. So when you untie some of these lies and replace them with nuggets of truth, you’re able to navigate right, this, this, uh, feelings, actions, habits, personality, and destination points. You’re able to navigate those clearly with truth and ended up with the destination points that you want to achieve the positive ones, because you’ve replaced lie with truth, which is what are our goal becomes their navigation points to help us with our, with our what, and we want to chase truth.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (15:53):
We want to be truth chasers. It’s our homework assignment is to become true chasers, to always be evolving and be willing to humble ourselves in the face of truth. In other words, when truth represents itself, I have to do the hard medicine of man. I have to really think on that and be like, dang, all right. I think that that’s a truth that I might have to accept. And that’s hard for some of us when we get to that point of self change, where we have to address a truth, right? We have to address the brutal facts of our current reality and go, man, okay. If I’m having all of these same kinds of relationships every time, maybe it’s not the 20 plus people I’ve been with, maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the common denominator. Maybe the, the, maybe the change needs to happen here instead of me looking for the change to happen out there.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (16:42):
Right? And so that’s when we come to, when we come to a concept like intimacy and sharing it to see what we didn’t get to unpack last time was, you know, navigating ourselves by truth rather than by feeling facts over feelings is crucial because feelings are fickle. You know, these kids talking about man, we catch it feelings, you know, and, and catch them like a cold sometimes and feelings. It’s a funny thing with villains, man. So that’s why I, you know, as I was navigating again, submitted for your approval is, is that there was health and wellness in truth, chasing in, let me find the nugget of truth in this ideal. And if I could find a nugget of truth and I can chart my course by it, if I can find the true element of it, then it should work across the board. And that’s, what’s been pivotal is I had to work hard internally to stop moving on feeling and instead try to move on fact instead, try to on truth.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (17:50):
And it doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. It doesn’t mean that you’re like, Oh man, I got it. I’m done. Whew, life I’ve made it. I’m fixed or whatever. And it’s a constant evolution of being willing to humble yourself. I call it in the face of truth, right? So when the truth comes, I have to be willing to not the opposite of that is to be so full of self, to think that you’re above this truth, that presents itself. And so part of the key moving forward to your whatever goal it is, positive goal is having self-awareness, that’s going to be the key. And so with having a healthy relationship and wanting a healthy relationship, but coming from the background where I had statistical certainty of failure, because I had no examples of it, matter of fact had the examples of the opposite.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (18:42):
So it was easier for me to replicate trauma and replicate abuse than it was for me to replicate honor and faithfulness and trust and caring. And those attributes. It was harder for me to meet, uh, perpetuate those, uh, even traditional values, if you will, than it would be to perpetuate the others. Because what had been shown to me and conditioned to me was one way and the key to unlock that was becoming a true chaser, but hold on a second, because every time I’m trying to run it, my way I’m running into problems and pain and problems and pain and problems and pain. So let me check me into me, see, Oh, and then, and then worry about, uh, intimacy with somebody else. A lot of times, unfortunately in our Western culture here, we’ve put the cart way before the horse, in a sense, we’ve put, we’ve had things backwards.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (19:46):
We like to run out and be intimate. And then we try to force commitment. And I think we shared about that a little bit in the past about how we share our intimacy, that we start with sharing our words. So a little bit of review is that, um, we talk with each other. That’s the first intimacy. First glimpse you have into somebody is their words. People would tell you who they are. If you, you just need to believe out of the mouth, out of the, out of the, uh, the mouth, the heart speaks. So you get to see the heart of somebody through their words, and we’re just sacred. And it don’t matter how many people you share them with the sacredness of the word still have power. So that’s the first interview of somebody as the words. And when you’re sharing your words with somebody, you’re sharing something internal with them, you’re sharing something sacred on your part with them. And when you hear words from somebody you’re hearing something sacred from them, and that’s a sacred exchange. And as you move up the up this sacred exchange of intimacy, uh, it becomes a little more finite in what you’re sharing creates a stronger bond. So when you share this section here, quality time, now the bond becomes a lot stronger because you’ve shared time with this person.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (20:58):
Here’s, what’s crazy. Some of our conference friends out there is we have a little bit of a Mirage with some of our relationships in conference world. And the reason I’m speaking to conference world is coming from it and speaking to it is we see each other every year at these different conferences. So a lot of us that would see each other and were at these conferences for a week. We might see each other at two conferences a year, right? So let’s say that’s two weeks and we’ve done that for a few years. And you might think to yourself, man, I know this person for five years now, no two weeks a year for five years. Right? So you know, that person for 10 weeks kind of got a gauge of their life over the macro view of it, but you don’t really know them know them.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (21:45):
And so that’s what, when we talk about sharing intimacy is talking about sharing that inner knowledge about who they are and how they got that way. Those are sacred details about them. And we’re not going to really know those information from spending a week at a conference with somebody, right? So I had to start telling myself, okay, I think I know these people, but I don’t really know them know them. And they don’t really know me. So I need to be mindful of the bonds that become an in conference world. So you share quality time. There’s only 24 hours in the day. And then as we go up the ladder here, you can see that we share this little finite area here. Only two people fit in. This are only a, I should say a few people fit in this area. When you share the breath, the breath of life in some languages, it’s called that breath in spiritual terms is usually the word spirit.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (22:35):
So when you share the breath, you’re sharing something spiritual, not always taught that way, but it’s consistent with a lot of traditional values in that when you share intimacy, you’re sharing something spiritual. And a lot of schools, I go to a lot of youth working with this is a concept that has been missing. These pillars. Haven’t been shared with them over time. And you have the example I said earlier, where they rush out into intimacy, and then they try to force commitment because they’re sharing these different levels of intimacy. They’re sharing breath, they’re sharing their quality time. And then they’re sharing themselves physically, which was the example up here of, there’s only room at the top, at the top for one. And it’s based like this, where it’s a balancing act of intimacy and commitment.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (23:28):
You can only be as intimate as you can be committed. So the level of your commitment equals the level of your intimacy. And that used to be just kind of ingrained naturally. It wasn’t something necessarily might’ve been taught, um, like, like this, so to speak was just ingrained in culture. What I mean by that is back in the day old school, if you want it to approach somebody for partnership, then you had to go through the family. You had to go through the social circle. You were in the light, you were out and about all your motives were clearly a, um, reconciled before all people. So your, your motivations had to be from a pure place because you couldn’t pull somebody off to the side as easily as you could today. So when someone tries to be the opposite of a healthy relationship, they’re trying to control and manipulate, then, then some of that emo and that tactic red flag, if you will, is to try to isolate somebody.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (24:29):
So one example, the old example, old school example built into our culture. It was that everything was done through the family out in the open for everybody to chime in about, you were open to have people speak into it and it was healthy. And all that converse of that is, or the contrast of that is the example of, Hey, I have access to this person and I can pull them to the side away from their support and get them to myself. And then once they’re to myself, then I can use whatever manipulation tactics to try to keep them isolated. The reason I need to keep them isolated is because I’m trying on some level to own and to possess and somewhere I’ve bought into the lie. That that’s what our relationship is, is that I have to have this. I have been intimate and now I’m trying to force commitment.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (25:25):
Um, we we’ve shared a level of intimacy. And so now I’m trying to force a commitment. That’s something that leads to a lot of the struggles that we see in relationships today. And it was the relationships that I was used to seeing, and it was the relationships that was easiest for me to try to replicate. And so because of the past traumas and the past hurts and the way to navigate away from that is the truth nugget of that is to say, I need to heal. I need to know that. Okay. I’m okay with being okay with me. And like, just real quick, just to, to take a quick second here and look at the concept of commitment. When we say commitment, you know, I was talking to some youth the other day and we say commitment, and I was looking at some people’s feeds and they were putting these memes out about nobody’s Ryder or die anymore and commitment.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (26:23):
And I thought, you know, it’s crazy in our current Western culture is commitments kind of hard to find like when you look at it in a broad sense, because where you’re working used to be, you’d worked somewhere for almost your life, right? You’d go down to the mill or you’d go down to the plant or your family worked there. And then this person there, and there was this idea of commitment kind of ingrained, right. But a lot of those institutions that used to have commitment built into them have for whatever sake, uh, have, have moved away from that. So it’s hard to find examples in our communities of long-term commitment, the idea of commitment has been replaced with convenience. And that’s a hard one to navigate when we’ve, we’ve bought into a lie. That commitments is convenience that I’m only committed when it’s okay for when it’s, you know, part of commitment was that you were following through, like when you had that job that you didn’t really like, you were committed and you went even when you didn’t feel like it.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (27:30):
And that’s part of commitment is that you stuck through a, you, you, um, there was a level of lock-in that you say, Oh, okay, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, it’s worth figuring it out. And there’s a time period of figuring it out. I’m not saying that you commit in a, in a situation that’s harmful or you stay in a situation. And, and that’s where things can get really twisted is, you know, you use the, you know, how I’m gonna fight for this when it’s really toxic. So you have to be aware of what you’re fighting for, fight for the positivity fight for healing, fight for wellness, you fight for your you’re, you’re willing to end up endure for that job that provides resources for you to take care of your family. So you do the uncomfortable, right? For the convenient, for the, for the commitment, but you don’t just base your commitments on convenience.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (28:21):
And it’s really easy to do that. It’s real easy to just to be like, well, yeah, we’re cool. And all when it’s convenient and it’s hard to find those, those examples out there. So, so we want to see some of those in the, in the, some examples of commitment out there in the chat. All right. If you don’t mind put some down out there of some examples, so people can scroll back through and see from our community, some examples of commitment that’s out there that we could look to and say, Oh yeah, I see commitment with that. Okay. Yeah. I see commitment with that. So I started noticing that there were these elders that were married 30, 40, 50 years, and that they had been arranged. Some of them, I was like, Whoa, hold up. That’s a whole trip. Right. But there were these, there were these people in our community that could look to, to say, okay, that’s what commitment looks like.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (29:09):
And so the level of commitment allows for the level of intimacy, but too often, we’re being intimate. And then we’re trying to force commitment. Highest level of commitment equals the highest level of intimacy. Now I use the word highest form of commitment because people’s definitions of commitment can vary based on cause one little nugget of truth is that truth works for everybody, right? So if it’s an attribute of truth, intimacy is intimacy. Don’t matter. It’s not based gender or, or preconceived gender roles or orientation or any of that. It’s not based on any of that. Basically the truth nuggets there, then it’s true for everyone. In other words, intimacy is still intimacy. It doesn’t matter w uh, you know, gay straight is a matter about where you’re at as far as, you know, um, identity, and it still intimacy is still intimacy. It’s still, you’re in your intimacy sharing that will still create bonds.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (30:16):
So when I say highest form of commitment, it’s your highest form of commitment. And when you share intimacy at the highest form of commitment, there’s a safety involved in that. And so, and that leads to, to fitting in a spot made for one. And now you have a safe realm for intimacy to be shared because you know, that person even cause when you’re sharing intimacy, you’re vulnerable. And when to become one. Now, you know, you’re, you’re able to share intimacy without the other person taking advantage of you and your vulnerable state and vice versa. You’ve committed to saying, I’m not going to hurt you in this, even though you’re vulnerable, I’m not going to take advantage of you, even though you’re vulnerable, even though you’re intimate with me and you’re open and I can see into you, I’m not going to, uh, take advantage of that and hurt you in that space.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (31:11):
That’s what the commitment agreement is. And so what I wanted to do today, as we re you know, as we, um, you know, 2.0, this, you know, we, we, we talked a little bit about this last time that where I wanted to go from last time to today was this concept of, uh, of security in self. So part of what it requires to be up here with somebody and for you to take that self introspective step, to be humble in the side of truth, and to be willing to when you love somebody, that’s a service. And that’s a, that’s an action of preferring somebody, right? It’s not a taking from somebody that’s a giving to somebody. And so when we, we try to build these healthy relationships through love. That’s another trip word out there. I love them. And sometimes people have heard the word love and the need.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (32:13):
I need them, wait, hold up, time out. Because those two words are different. Love and need are from two different places, two different gears. And so my wife loves me, but she don’t need me. The grown woman, we say, growing a woman all by herself, right. And she can get through life all by herself. She don’t need me. There was a book that came out and some of the Christian circles that we took a large offense to when we first were starting out, was called his needs, her needs. There was like two pages in the whole book that were kind of cool. Cause it, it just kind of showed some, but even that was based on some weird dichotomy. But anyway, it’s cool to think of me. I want, I want to, you know, meet expectations and be expectations, but wait, you know, you want to do that with your partner.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (33:07):
But one of the truth nuggets that I had to come to grips with early on was, or had to come to grips with before I created a relationship or agree to be in one was this concept that I’m not somebody, a hundred percent need meter. That’s not my role. That’s not somebody else’s role to be for me that was like mind blowing and a paradigm shifting realization that hold on a second. So I get it that I’m not supposed to objectify women and I’m not going to own them and I’m not going to possess them. But man, that’s a crazy mindblowing philosophy that I’m just sharing space and time with them. Here’s a crazy one is that they have the right at any moment to change their mind. And that is going to produce a level of insecurity. If you’re not secure already, that you have to be able to understand that you’re not somebody who’s a hundred percent need meter and they’re not your a hundred percent need meter.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (34:20):
So for instance, when I go play ball with the guys and when I played ball and there’s something to that, that my wife, you know, that my wife in particular, you know, so maybe something that would have a, a partner that can give that to you, but in our situation, that’s not something she wants to even give me. Right. She don’t wanna play ball with me. So to get that, I have to get that outside. Right. That part of it is that she’s not my a hundred percent need me. Her. I’m not her a hundred percent needed better. There are certain things that she needs her friends for because there’s certain things that I can’t bounce back to her, the way her friends can. And in a healthy relationship, I have to be secure enough that she needs to, I need to be able to, to, to like promote her, going with her friends, not be like, man bond, whatever, go to friends, then jeez, fond August. I’m not enough then.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (35:18):
Right. So I would like to see a shift in some of our relationships that are out there to where the guys, um, would promote their girls to go on trips by themselves, on with the, with their girlfriends, you know, girls trips. The reason I’m bringing it up in that, in that framework is because it’s something that I see a lot of where guys have problems with their girlfriends, you know, having girls nights and having girls weekends or whatever. And I just think that the level of insecurity there is a flag, right? So what you want to do before a relationship is to try to get at least to a place of working on self security, right? And then as you guys are a couple, that’s going to be something that you work on together of making sure you’re bouncing off each other insecure modes. And if you catch yourself slipping into this insecurity, that means your lack insecurity means you’re lacking security in.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (36:18):
If you’re insecure, it means I don’t, I’m not secure in, I need to be secure in. And the problem is a lot of us try to find something outside to make us feel secure in. And that’s a consuming behavior. That’s a take from behavior. That’s a, that’s a need behavior, right? And that’s could be from scarcity. It could be from trauma. It could be from all these things that we’re taking from us. And so now we take from others and we base relationships in the foundation of take, instead of in the foundation of give that’s the switch that has to happen. That nugget truth for me, helped me guide my steps of going man. And so time out here, whole life thinking that I was going to have a relationship where I, you know, got from and you do get from it, but I’m saying that the concept can’t be, I’m here to take and I’m here to get the concept has to be I’m here to get you.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (37:16):
Yeah. I remember hearing stories of, of, um, about a person showing up to the home of the, of, uh, the family, even old school stories of showing up with horses. Here’s here’s horses. I show up the concept was I’m showing up the old school was I’m showing up to give before we even start I’m giving, I’m not showing up to get I’m showing up to give. And that has to be the one of the first steps. The idea of being secure, that security is in some, we don’t really talk about a lot of, and that’s that’s when Jolene had hit me up for today. She didn’t know that I had just been, um, working on this part of this with the, with the idea of security in mind, because I had just been writing these notes and I had just been fleshing it out, uh, of what it took for me to get from the other side of the equation, to this side equation, with regards to being secure and how important that part is that a lot of us enter into these relationships with so many levels of insecurity and insecurity and its very nature is going to be toxic because it’s going to try to consume, it’s going to try to take and it’s going to try to own and possess the second that you’re in that space.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (38:49):
You’re, it’s toxic for everyone. You including you, you might not even if you’re the one that’s like that. Yeah. It’s still toxic for you to, you know, to have that pressure and that need, you know, I remember one time my uncle told me, you know, if you’re worried about her cheating and you’re running around trying to keep her from cheating, all you’re ever going to be is tired because you can’t control that. You don’t have any, you don’t have any control over that. You security in a nutshell is
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (39:23):
Being, Being secure enough to where you’re okay with controlling only what you can control. That’s kind of like for me, my framework, when it comes to inner inner security, when I feel myself slipping into insecurity, it’s usually me trying to control what I am not supposed to control right out of control people over control. That’s uh, when I see someone over controlling, I go, Oh, they’re inside out of control right now. They’re having a control balance issue internally. That’s why they’re trying to over control everything. It’s because they’re, they have an inner control issue right now. And they’re trying to get that balanced their equilibrium back in place. And, and so with security, I’m supposed to be okay with being humble known and in the light of truth and being willing to be secure in what I can and can’t control that is refreshing. It’s mind-blowing it’s peace giving it’s actually, it’s now puts you in position to where you can share positivity with other people because it’s not contingent on what they can do for you. It’s based on what are already in you when you’re okay. Not saying you won’t feel pain and you won’t feel hardships. You won’t feel sting of rejection or any of that. But at the end of the day, you can control that. And the true nugget is the acceptance of that. I can’t control that.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (41:11):
I remember him. It’s like, it’s crazy to me, the, the mental gymnastics that take place when you’re trying to keep somebody faithful and you’re trying to keep somebody honest and you feel like it’s your job to keep somebody truthful and how refreshing it would be to know that I can’t control none of that. What I can control is how much I know about that person before I give intimacy that I can control that is in my power to control. I can control that. I don’t have to be intimate with that person before. Um, before I know them for them, I don’t have to share those inner parts of myself and leave myself vulnerable before I know the character and quality that they operate their lives with. Where are they at with their healing? Where are they at with their wellness? Those are all things you can see from a distance and over time, which again, our current culture, you know, fast paced it.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (42:17):
When I say you can be in old school, in the new school, it just takes dedication because our current climate is for everything to be fast. You know, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. You know, and if your identity is wrapped up and I have to have a partner, Oh my gosh, I am. Who am I? If I don’t have somebody in psychology? One of the things that stood out in that class was that my professor said, humans need food, water, air, and six. And I remember thinking, Oh snap, what I said, but that fourth one is just for the species. It’s not for the individual. You could live your whole life, never having that last one. And you would live out, you could live a life like, Whoa, really that’s crazy. It was like, I mean, you’re going, you know, it was, it was an interesting perspective to think of if I never have that, I w uh, you know, then what, well, if you never have that, you never had that.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (43:14):
It’s one thing, but you have to have the other three to live. This one is just for the species to survive. And that if you, if you know that, and it can save that for its sacred space, then it can be, we always refer to it, kinda like fire in the fireplace is, is, is good and warmth and helpful and useful, and, and, uh, bonding if you will, but outside it can burn and tear things down. So same goes with that intimacy shared outside of a safe kind of construct is it can, it can produce more insecurities because now that I’ve shared myself, so intimacy, intimately, I now I’m vulnerable for somebody to violate me, uh, after. So that’s what creates that need to control that need to own that need to possess is because I’m insecure now. And I’ve even contributed to that insecurity by trying to give in, uh, intimacy and share intimacy before I’ve set a safe construct for sharing.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (44:22):
And that even goes with sharing our time and sharing our stories and sharing our words is different. Levels of commitment are important before we create our friendship, because here’s the key, how we create our healthy friendships are going to be how we create our healthy relationships going forward. So that’s going to be the homework assignment. I think for many of them, hopefully some of you today will be to realign your belief system and untie some of those lies and false, you know, bits of data that got in there on how we create our friendships, how we create our communities of care, how we interact with one another when it comes to that, because as we relax and interact in a healthy way in that circle, and we have a support group of our community that has the same ideals and similar, I won’t say same ideals in the sense that we all think exactly alike now that you need to have people in your circle that think differently, but they’ll bounce the, the safe, positive, healthy healing attributes back to you.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (45:28):
That there’ll be a reflection of those value systems. That’s what you want to bounce back to you when you’re so that some it’s out of those places that we end up finding some of our truth that we go, Oh, I have to humble myself in the face of truth. This friend of mine gave me some truth. One time, real quick story. Here’s we can come into a close for a second. I’ll I’ll look through these comments and then we’ll see if we can, uh, bounce back and forth off. Some of these comments here is, uh, I was at church one time with this and this friend, you know, in our friend group at the time, just so you know, I wasn’t dating. I had made the decision that I wasn’t going to kiss till I got married. And I was saving all forms of intimacy until I was fully, fully committed.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (46:16):
And I was fasting and praying at different times. And I was trying to, to understand the physical through the spiritual in walks this friend to our circle. And I was like, just interested in who she was like, she’s different new friend. Right? And I was like, Oh, I wonder who she is. And so we all said, let’s go to lunch. No, I had some cultural safeguards I had put in place that I always go eat in public with. And I mean, just being in public was, um, I went in groups, so went to the movies. I went in groups who went to go eat. I went in groups. It was just something cool about having to hurt and having, um, groups. It’s too hard to get a super romantic, if you will, in a group, you know, too early, if you will. So anyway, long story short, we went to lunch, all of us, one big group, we all went to go eat lunch as we’re eating lunch.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (47:07):
Of course, I sit right down by her because I’m interested in knowing who this new person is. And, and there wasn’t attraction, but there was interest and there’s a difference. But nonetheless, there was an interest and I was like, I wonder who this person is. So we sit down across the table from each other and I start asking questions, man. So, Oh, really? You’re allergic. What kind of foods? Oh my gosh. Oh, wait, what you, uh, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You’d like what? Oh, dang. Okay. What’s your song? Oh, huh. I start taking the conversation, even though we’re in a group, I started taking the conversation right here between just, I kind of isolate her between just me and her. And I started talking to asking her all these information and you know, Oh really? So your mom’s from where? Oh, dang or really all. Okay, man. Right. And so at some point she starts kind of looking off back to the group and kind of giving me this little, like, you know, and then at one point she said, I’d appreciate you not looking at my eyes like that.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (48:08):
I was like, Whoa, okay. I felt a little embarrassed. I was like, I hope nobody else heard that. You know, she said, I appreciate you not looking into my eyes like that. And I thought, was I looking at her some kind of way? So I laughed it off embarrassed. I went, well, you know, ha eyes are the windows to the soul. And uh, she said, yeah, I like to keep mine guarded. And I was like, Oh, snap, double bam, bam girl, did I end up being a Neo spoiler alert? This is not, it’s not a story that ends up being, you know, my wife or whatever. This was just a friend and a friend circle that had that. I had interest and not attraction, but just interest in. And I had to ask myself after that interaction that I smell like a Wolf. What was I giving off that made her feel protective?
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (49:03):
What was I doing that, that caused her to feel the need to protect herself? Because I don’t want to be a violator, you know, anymore. Right. I don’t want to be someone who’s trying to, to get intimacy before, before commitment. That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to be a good guy as a good guy. I still got in trouble, so to speak. And so I was trying to figure that out. I was like, man, what, what did I do the prayer to ask other people and counsel and just saying, you know, so what do you think the situation where we’re not cross a line? What, uh, I don’t think I was like, you know, like Mac and licking my lips and being like, yo. So I wasn’t like that. So what gave her the frequency to think? And it still was trying to be some kind of way and I wasn’t trying to be, so what made her feel that way?
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (49:53):
And that’s where I stumbled across the nugget of truth in that intimacy is who somebody is and how they got that way. And that, um, I’m not allowed to mind for that without commitment. Wasn’t even her friend. You know what I mean? And so I, wasn’t committed to a level to justify knowing any of that sacred data about her. And that’s the new, that, that was a new paradigm for me that helped me then construct healthy because I knew now I could have friendships to where I didn’t need to mine them for their sacred data. I could just go out with them and hang out with us as a group, but we can go do life together and over time, guess what? You’re going to find out what somebody likes and don’t like on her pizza, guess what? You’re going to find out, uh, what song they like.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (50:51):
And don’t like, you’re going to find out little bits of intimacy about them over time. You know? Cause I did have another friend in my friend group that I was, excuse me, that was interesting to me. And, and again, I was approaching, um, I was approaching the opposite sex, not with attraction, but with interest because I had changed my mindset to where I wasn’t looking for, you know, a hookup I wasn’t looking to snag that was off the table when I decided I wasn’t going to kiss. So I got married and I wasn’t gonna have sex. I got married. That changed how I was free to have relationships because I was like, man, I was rugged. Cause I used to just only be interested in the, in the cute people. But now it’s like, you can be friends with not saying I can be friends with the other people, but I’m saying that you could be Frank because I’m the only person in some people’s group.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (51:45):
But, uh, yeah, you could be friends with everybody. It, regardless of attraction, because now it’s no longer what you chart your correspondence dead. You’re having community with people and you’re creating healthy friendships. And out of that friend group, you know, came one of my best friends and my best friend became my wife eventually. So all, all, um, out of re situating me and doing the work here to create security because I gotta be honest. The reason I understand the insecurity is cause that’s also in me that that was also part of who I was raised to be. That was what was conditioned. And, and that was what I needed healing from was this narrative that I’m empty and incomplete without somebody else, that narrative kept me searching for outer fixes for an inner problem. And healing is an inner work. It’s an inside work that happens inside that then lets you give to the out.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (52:56):
And that was one of the major shifts was, was coming to, to the challenge of trying to work on inner security, not insecurity, right? Inner security, not insecurity that I could become secure enough to let so that one of the first words that we took out of our marriage, when we got married, I heard my wife say, let on the phone, one of her girlfriends, he’s like, well, let me, if I see if he’ll let me go. And I remember we had a conversation about it. I said just, I prefer if we don’t even have that term in our dialogue, if you don’t let, I don’t let, I don’t let you. You’re a grown woman. I mean, we share each other’s schedule cause we might use the car or we might have conflicting schedules. Like we would have respect. So it’s like, Hey, I was thinking about, you know, like she knows when I’m going to play ball usually ahead of time, you know, Hey Tuesday, Wednesdays are my ball night and Tuesday’s switched to Wednesdays.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (53:57):
I play ball on Wednesdays, you know? Um, and so that, that, uh, it’s just really, really cool to have that level of security to not have to worry and not have to try to over control and, and possess. And, and I mean, I was rugged man. And what it produces in the frail ego of a guy, uh, when you think you can be taken advantage of the level of depravity, you can go to when you’re thinking of controlling and while you were net neck, are you trying to impress possessive? Dang, where does that come from? Yeah. It comes from that toxic the of insecurity. And so the homework assignment is to un-train some of those lies of where, what was contributing to your insecurities and what’s going to contribute to your inner security, what healing needs to happen to have you be, um, to, to have you on the path of security inside, because that’s gonna create a wellness about you.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (55:09):
That’s gonna attract different people. That’s gonna put you in environment around, uh, just different kinds of better situations. And that’s going to change your destination points in life because you took the time out to invest in the truth about you and the wellness and the healing. And that’s what makes it possible. So I’m going to, I’m going to screen real quick. We’ve got five minutes here. We’ve got a few people out here. Um, let me scroll through, see what, uh, which hour saying thanks for checking in. Roll call. I, uh, if you have comments or questions. Yeah, this is, this is a week 50 crazy man props, the native wellness Institute for doing this for four, we had a crazy, see what I’m saying? This is an example of in a hard time, they were able to give, and it’s just the mindset of, of healing and wellness to say yeah, in tough times we, we give and them doing this for all of us and making this platform available to Amanda 50 weeks crazy.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (56:21):
So, Oh, ho ho. Everyone that says hello, hello. Back to you all. Yeah. Truth will set you free. Kevin. That is all hours are saved on our Facebook page as well. As on our YouTube channel, there are nearly 280 power hours available. A couple of them are some of this that you can go back and check out what is a lie to the old natives. What is a lie known as a lot of lies? I mean, wonder what people would say on here. A lot of lies that one lies that, that I used to hear was that we’re not worthy or that we don’t exist no more. There’s a lot of lies.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (57:02):
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (57:08):
Oh man, Stephen, you speak truth. And then you receive lateral gas. Like man, that’s a show. Holy moly. Yeah. Juliana. We’re going to do a show. Uh, part two of, of, about that, that lateral gaslighting man. Okay. Got like 32 minutes, but that’s the other part of manipulation is I would be wrong, but because my insecurity do all the toxic behavior, but then twist it to make them feel like they were the one with the problem.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (57:40):
It’s, it’s mental judo, which is why you want to safeguard yourself from these types of friendships. People who Gaslight. You can see that if you’re take your time in friendships, you’ll start to see them Gaslight other people. And you’ll see that as a character issue for them to work out from a distance. So before, so like my wife, she wasn’t a gas lighter. Like that’s who she, she’s a straight up, tells it like it is. Or like she wears on her sleep. You want to know what she thinks. She’ll tell you. So it’s like, I knew that as a friend that’s actually was, so I knew she was committed. I knew she took commitment serious. I knew she was faithful. I knew she had a lot of things in her life that she was faithful to even when it was challenging. So I knew she had those attributes. So gaslighting folks will tell on themselves when they’re just your friend. So you gotta give people time. People need to go through inner interviews with you. But, uh, anyway, we got like maybe one minute left here. Feelings are fickle. Thanks to Lynn for putting that back out. That is absolutely true. So Corina.
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (58:50):
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (58:50):
Yeah. Prince George shout out. Um, but yeah, I really appreciate everybody chime in and we can do this in the future. We’ll ping pong back and forth from the messages that we can. Thank you, Jean. I appreciate it. Uh, porn conversation. Yeah. Commitment to seeking spiritual solutions to all our problems. There’s especially a spiritual correlation RIS two 59. So I got like 60 seconds here, but I just want to tell everybody thank you for tuning in thank, uh, noise foundation for allowing to be possible. And I just encourage everybody to chase truth, chase healing, and, uh, rid yourself of insecurity. And instead replace that with inner security away. God bless y’all
Marcus Emcee One Guinn (59:38):